The Forgettable Top 10

by Ken


As usual, regardless of who plays in late June and who hosts the Golden Basketball over their heads, this NBA season has brought some great memories. I for one can’t wait to see the “Top 10 Everything” highlights: Top 10 Dunks, Top 10 Assists, Top 10 Blocks, Top 10 Plays, Top 10 Bloopers (I especially love those). Trust me, I’ll be looking for them on NBATV as soon as the season ends, and probably watch the re-runs of the Season’s Top 10 show through out my NBA depraved summer.

I was hoping to write about a few sub-plots that somewhere down the road, might fade into oblivion. I don’t think these storylines might ever make any Top 10 lists, so here’s to the little ones, the seemingly insignificant ones, the ones that made headlines but didn’t. Without further ado, I present the “Forgettable Top 10”.

10. 2010 Free Agency
Starting about two years ago, I’d have the following conversation with some of my NBA crazed friends: “Really? They traded away this stud for these bunch of losers with huge contracts and knees held together with duct tape?? Why would they ever do that?”. Answer: “2010”. I’m sick of it! Not that I’m suggesting that the names and this free agent period won’t be a media frenzy, all I’m saying is that I’m tired of hearing 2010 as an excuse for all the bone-headed trades we’ve seen over the past two years. Notables for this years’ free agency: Chris Bosh, Lebron James, Joe Johnson, Dwyane Wade, David Lee, Amare Stoudamire, Carlos Boozer and JJ Barea. Well, all those teams that turned down their own good players, turned down other potentially good fits for their team, and decided to tank their respective seasons, better be prepared to remain in the cellar just a tad bit longer. Here’s the simple math: 2 Superstars, 5 Marquee players and a bunch of role players (and no, I’m not talking JJ Barea) divided into 15 teams that have sacrificed one thing or another to gain cap room. There will be losers. We should start a pool on those teams will be.

9. The Bulls
Some may say they were never going to win with John Salmons, Ben Gordon and Tyrus Thomas anyway, so they were traded or let go for (you guessed it) 2010! Side-note: at least the Bulls got a 1st round pick from the Bobcats albeit wasn’t a lottery pick. Some may say that Vinnie Del Negro (VDN) stunted the growth of Thomas and never let him blossom. Some may say VDN was the wrong virgin head coach to lead a young team in the first place. Here’s where the Bulls’ hopes lie: 2010! They are banking on Chicago being Wade’s hometown and that he’ll have enough memories and ties to decide to leave Florida and move to the Windy City. Shaq went to high school in San Antonio - that sure didn’t make him want to sign with the Alamo City now, did it? Ahhh… and to think they didn’t trade for Kobe coz they didn’t want to give up Luol Deng? Instead the GM is trading punches with his head coach, and VDN is trading hair care secrets with Noah from wherever he coaches next.

8. Nate Robinson
The Knicks are pretty much in the same scenario as the bulls when it comes to hopes of luring a marquee free agent to the Big Apple, but at least they are trying to get rid of the after-taste that is the Isaiah Era. One of the last unwanteds to be shipped out was Nate Robinson, from whom we are used to seeing some bone-headed plays in the past like traveling while showboating on a break-away dunk in a blow-out loss. We’re used to that. To the Knick fan, it’s what makes Nate Nate. The reason Kryptonate is on this list is for shooting the ball at his own basket after the whistle had blown. With the Knicks down, by a lot, Nate let his I don’t care (read: kiss my glass) attitude take over and drew the chagrin of coach d’Antoni who tore into the little firecracker like center Eddie Curry would tear into a BigMac.

7. Ron Artest
This man is truly one of the inspirations for this blog. May it be running out of the team hotel in his skivvies coz he was going to miss (he played with Houston then) a game 7 against the Lakers, or the snake eggs that Artest once told his manager to take care of in his backyard. The terrifying, potentially dangerous eggs turned out to be mushrooms. And no, not ‘shrooms, though I’ve often wondered what causes Artest to be the way he is. Ron Artest has become the scapegoat for many teams that lost. From Chicago to Indiana to Sacramento to Houston, it has always been Artests’ fault. Guess what? If the Lakers win this year, he still won’t get credit for trying to fit in and playing the role he should have been playing all these years.

6. Mike Woodsen
It’s all been said about what Woodsen has done as Atlanta’s coach: the increase in wins each season since he’s been there, the play-off success, the rejuvenation of a laughing stock team to an east contender. We all know what he’s done for the Hawks. But it’s that goatee: it exudes so much awesomeness and is always in perfect shape and each hair combed in perfect parallelism to each other. I would hate to have this beard forgotten. This beard makes me make up whole new words, and you know they say Neologism is a sign of psychosis, I’ll have some of that please!

5. The Worst Bang for your Buck
Not ripping into the GM, or team that traded for these contracts (I’d rather rip whoever gave theses players the money in the first place) but just plain value-wise, I want to be remember a few disasters. For example: Steve Francis and Raef LaFrenz were Portlands highest paid player a year ago. Well, in case you didn’t know it, Francis ($17million), LaFrentz ($12million) and Darius Miles ($9million) were responsible for a total of $38million (double if you count luxury tax) and ZERO points, rebounds, or any other stat. Speaking of getting your money’s worth! Here are this years’ 5 mile per gallon luxury vehicles that didn’t’ give the team anything worthy of any praise:

a) Michael Redd - $17million. Seems like the only consistency Redd can come up with is a season-ending injury. Every season.

b) Jermaine O’Neal - $22million. He played 70 games this year which is best since the 03-04 season. However, his creaking knees and gazillion injuries limited him to a career low (as starter) useless 30mpg and his team fizzled in the post-season. Time to apply for Medicare.

c) Tracy “KneeMac” McGrady - $23million. Highest paid player in the league who played in 24 games and averaged 9.4 points

d) Gilbert Arenas - $16million. The $111million investment played a total of 34 out of a possible 164 games since signing. Imagine buying a $111million mansion and then taking the bulldozer to it the next day. I’m just glad Gil didn’t use all his money to buy guns. Oh wait…

e) Peja Stojakovic - $14million. Peja missed another 20 games this season. For those of you that are counting, and I’m sure Hornets GM Bower is, that’s 8 out of 14 seasons played, that Peja missed at least 20 games!

Stay tuned for “Forgettable Top 10” 5-1…